Official Point System of Sweater Christmaweseomeness:
- 1. If your sweater has a nativity scene = +1 point
- 2. If your sweater has lights on it = +1 point
- 3. If your light is for Rudolph’s nose = -1 point
- 4. If your light is for the star of Bethlehem over your nativity scene = +4 points
- 5. If your sweater has actual bells and whistles from the Polar Express tied on by pieces of yarn = +2 points
- 6. If you can hear the bells = +2 points
- 7. If every time one of the bells rings, you get excited because an angel just got its wings = + 1 point
- 8. If your sweater has Luke 2 written out on it (the entire chapter) = +3 points
- 9. If it is KJV = +2 points
- 10. If it is actually a puff paint sweatshirt, which is really just a Christmas sweater wannabe = -3 points
- 11. If your sweater was knitted from the wool of a Bethlehemian sheep = +5 points
- 12. If you have snowmen/women on your sweater = +1 point for each snowperson
- 13. If any of your snowmen are inspired by Calvin and Hobbes = +4 points
- 14. If it is a maternity sweater that reads, “Mary is My Homegirl” = +10 points
- 15. If your sweater has stockings with your kids’ names on it = +1 point for each child
- 16. If the stockings are your kids’ used socks = -2 points for each sock
- 17. If it has a 3-D hologram of baby Jesus on it = +3 points
- 18. If it has real candy canes on it =+5 points…
How did you score?
- 0-3 points= Sorry to break the news, but you might be a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
- 4-6 points= You’re rockin’ a mighty fine piece of holiday merriment. Just don’t wear your sweater and your light up reindeer antlers at the same time. That would be tacky.
- 6-9 points= “Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.” –Job 40:10
- 10-12 points= Bill Cosby called. He wants his sweater back.
- 13+ points= You have surpassed the 12 days of Christmas. You are the embodiment of Christmawesomeness. There are probably three men coming from afar to shower you with gifts as you read this.
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